To All the Dads (and the wives who love them)

Author's Note:  I'm not sure why.  This post was not easy to write.  It took a few days of prayerful consideration before taking shape.  May God bless the readers of it!!

Gabriel at only a few weeks after graduated from the NICU.

When Gabriel was two years old, I penned the preface for a book idea titled Gotta Get Gabriel:  A Father’s Journey with His Disabled Son.  The idea was to write a book for men facing difficult situations, maybe even situations through which they are not sure they can successfully navigate.  At the time my wife, Emily, and I were just beginning to understand just how uncertain the future was.

Gabriel with Daddy at the Luke 14 Banquet.

My original thought was to help men, especially fathers, tackle and dispel some of the myths which plague males.  The ultimate destination of this journey was, I prayed, that men would come to understand that God not only understands our hearts; but that He experienced the same hurts as His Son was beaten and nailed on the cross for crimes He did not commit and died.

So guys, what are some of the measures we grow up to believe.  Material gain is the judge of success?  Your credentials define your credibility?  Your children’s behavior mark you parental skills?  Your children’s athletic or academic abilities are a measure of future prosperity?  I’m sure this is nowhere near exhaustive.

So we grow up believing that if we don’t measure up in any one of these areas that constitutes failure on our part.  What happens if life gets rocky?  Maybe you lose a job?  (This actually happens more than once in the average man’s adult life.)  Maybe one or more of your children makes poor choices?  You never get that fancy car or big house?

And what if trials are of a more “permanent” nature:  serious illnesses, intellectual and/or developmental disability, or even the passing of a close loved one?  (I struggled with the word "permanent" because seriousness is relative.  Does the rubric by which we are judged or we judge ourselves change?  Should it change?

When we learned that Gabriel’s brain had been damaged, we came face to face with the reality that many of our hopes and dreams for him where not going to be fulfilled.  We had to grieve the loss of those dreams, and develop dreams which where obtainable.  We also had to come to terms with the reality that our family life was no longer going to fit the model which was instilled in each of us as we grew up.

Gabriel and Daddy horsing around.

When we were told that the chances of Gabriel ever speaking were slim and that he would need total care for his entire life, we had to ask God for the strength to care for a child who would never be able to tell us he loved us in return.  We had to redefine what it meant for Gabriel to communicate his feelings with us.

Why am I writing all this to dads especially?  Because we are taught by society that the test of our masculinity is success in all of the questions asked above and more.  Failure on just one is a failure as a man.  And because we are lead to believe that God uses the same rubric to measure us as does society.

Gabriel taking his first self directed steps.

Men, if you are facing difficult circumstances or if life has not turned out the way you dreamed it would; your specific situation does not catch God by surprise!  And better yet, He promises to be in the mix as you go through your situation.  “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4 ESV)

Even as He gave us the Great Commission, Jesus promises to be with us.  “And Jesus came and said to them, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.  And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18-20 ESV)

Easter Sunday 2011

So guys, you are not a failure.  And even assuming that you have made some poor choices, through His Son Jesus, God is quick to forgive us of our sins and restore us unto Himself.  That is not to say we are not going to deal with the consequences of those choices.  But first, consequences are not judgments.  And second, God promises to be right there with us every step of the way.  Even in the dark times when we think there is no hope.

A comforting thought to be sure!

Glen