Renewed Strength

The Hiding Place - Henrietta, Tn

We descended on the secluded spot along the Cumberland River in Tennessee from many different locales.  Eleven cities in nine states were represented by the couples who arrived at “The Hiding Place” that Friday afternoon.  On that first day we were strangers at drawn together by the Holy Spirit due to a life altering, tragic event.

Our walks of life were as varied as the cities from which we heralded.  An author, a former educator turned caregiver turned advocate, executives, teachers, lawn care specialist, and variety of ages.  Perhaps by the world’s standard, it was not a combination to make for a cohesive gathering.  But brought together by a Sovereign Lord for His divine purpose.

Gabriel Stephens - The love that never dies

Despite all of our differences, we would learn we have three things in common.  First, a personal relationship with King of Kings.  No difference was too deep to overcome this commonality.  Second (but perhaps to many this started as our most important similarity), we had all experienced the Lord calling one (or more) of our children Home to Himself.  Finally, we all came away from many of our modern conveniences to catch perhaps a glimpse of how the Lord was using our loss for His Divine purpose and our good.

So together we came; some more willing than others.  Some wanted to talk while others wanted to listen and learn.  All would be given opportunities for both.  Our guides on this journey were David and Nancy Guthrie.  Nancy has written several books, and David creates children’s musicals for churches.  They, too, experienced the “home going” of two wonderful children; Hope and Gabriel!

Our wonderful children!

Through tears we spent the first evening listening as half of us described the circumstances surrounding our loss, but more importantly describing how our tragic stories had and were affecting us.  After breakfast on Saturday, those who listened the first night spoke about their experience with love, loss, and grief.  Each couple was riveted by the stories of the others during the hours of tears.  Each one drawn by the empathy which comes from common experience.  Every mother understanding without explanation the pain of another’s broken heart.  Every father experiencing anew the helplessness felt by all.

We were no longer strangers.  We were no longer fixated on the differences which might have divided us.  Women were longing to hug each other.  Men reached out to each other unconcerned their faces where stained with the tears of shared grief.

After a brief break, we returned to be reassured that on myth surrounding the home going of a child is not true.  According to The Compassionate Friends, 76.6% of couples living through the loss of a child remain married (When a Child Dies:  A Survey of Bereaved Parents, 2006)  When then discussed key issues facing couples after the loss of a child.

After lunch we all walked through the property down to a tributary of the Cumberland River and an aged railroad truss.  Quite a few of us (including my wonderful wife, but not myself) where brave enough to climb the support rocks of the truss.

We returned to the lodge to discuss common issues and questions facing couples after the home going of a child.  The conversation was directed and kept moving through a “Jeopardy”-like board with multiple topics.

For the time before dinner we received instructions for a period of reflection with our spouses.  During this time, we expressed specific admirations for our spouse and made specific requests for the present and going forward.

We returned to the lodge again to find that it had be rearranged for a more “formal” dinner.  The couples were served a spectacular turkey dinner by David and Nancy.

Saturday evening ended with laughter as three couples showed us how well they can anticipate the other’s answers in “The Newlywed Game.”  As Saturday was an intensely emotional day, many of us retired early.

Sunday morning began with Breakfast and an early time of the Word and prayer, led by Nancy.  After breakfast, we came together to worship the One who authors the love we all feel for our child and now each other.  Worship was sweet with soul filling words by Nancy.

We started the weekend on Friday as strangers bound by a common loss.  We ended with a deeper appreciation of the Spirit which unites us as brothers and sisters.

We discovered healing.  We discovered renewed faith.  We found greater meaning in promises such as “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)  “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” (John 9:3)

We left understanding (perhaps for the first time), this was not our fault. God had called our child’s name, and Gabriel followed his Heavenly Father’s voice.

Thank you Jesus for new friends.  Thank you for faithful mentors.  But thank you most of all for understanding and speaking into our grief.

Glen Stephens,

Husband to Emily, 
Bereaved father to Gabriel