A Few Good Men!

This Spring (2013), Emily and I each celebrated our second Mother’s and Father’s Day as bereaved parents.  I don’t want to waste the reader’s time lamenting Gabriel’s home-going except to say we miss our “Little Lambie and Handsome.”

Who I do want to spend our time together discussing is the incredible group of men of which I know find myself a part.  I know of no father who, if asked, would volunteer to raise a child with severe disabilities or medical frailties.  I know of no father who, if asked, would seek membership into the even smaller number of which I am now a part.  Yet, in the face of tragic events; many of these men have risen above that which in themselves they are capable.

One of my new friends will be participating in an Ironman Triathlon to raise awareness of Group B Strep.  I recently listened to a video conference involving men representing various groups which seek to shine light on the fallacies which believe men should not grieve openly or in public.  And my mentor has been publishing Christian children’s musicals for some time.  So, through no effort on my part, I am now in the company of some great men.

But, I have often wondered in the last sixteen months why we believe struggles in life should be the exception rather than the rule.  Why is it that Christians around the world will flock in the thousands to hear the teachings of individuals who espouse the view that God wants us to materially prosper?  I find no supporting references in the Bible.

Jesus teaches us in John 16:33, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”  So if Jesus is to be believed, we should actually expect trials and tribulations in the world.  This is interesting!  Why would a loving God allow His children to experience such things?  Why do earthly fathers allow their children to experience hardship?

Again, we turn to scripture to find our answers.  James 1:2-4 exhorts us, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”  

Romans 5:3-5 tells us essentially the same.  “More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

Yes, I can hear some of you now.  “Glen, you said that we should not be surprised if we have trials and tribulations.  But now you are also telling us that we should celebrate the trials.”  Well friends, I can’t take credit for saying that!  God’s Word says it!  Our trials build strength of character in each of us.  And even more importantly responding well to trials brings glory to our God in Heaven.

Each of the men I mentioned above and I are grieving the loss of a child.  Grief is not counter-intuitive to Christianity as some would have you believe.  We love our children who have gone before us.  The depth of our grief is testimony to the depth of a father’s love for his child.  But how we grieve and how we pass through the days which follow our loss builds character and glorifies God.

Truly these are a few good men!

"...for better or for worse..."

“…for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward...”

Eleven years ago I met a young woman, Emily Ring Goetcheus.  She is intelligent, serious but often funny, and filled with life.  Few (ourselves included) would have imagined that a little over five months later we would be engaged and a little over a year after that first meeting we would be married.  And many doubted that our marriage would stand the test of time.

But today (April 12, 2013), Emily and I celebrate ten years of marriage.  “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Mark 10:9 ESV)  I can’t say the past ten years have been easy.  I believe Emily would agree.  But at least for these ten years our marriage has held against some very terrible storms.

“Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?  And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecc 4:11-12)

Emily and I don’t always agree.  And there are many differences in attitudes and mannerisms.  Marriage would not be interesting if husband and wife were exactly alike.

But when we are united in conviction, we are a force of nature.  Dare I say, anyone in the way had better watch out.

Nothing demonstrates this truth better than the raising and care of our son, Gabriel.

 Gabriel’s life might just represent the “perfect test” of our marriage.  Born with Aicardi-Goutieres Syndrome, Gabriel’s brain had severely diminished “white matter.”  This left him medically fragile, limited in his physical abilities, and significantly reduced in his cognitive functions.  We never heard him speak, and he required physical supports his entire life.

But none of that mattered to us!  We wanted to be parents, and who were we to question the abilities of the child we were given.

Emily and I did not tolerate anyone who questioned our care of Gabriel without cause.  We fired more than one doctor.  We cultivated the understanding of Gabriel’s condition within the company which provided his occupational, physical, and speech therapies.  We challenged his pediatrician to “think outside the box.”

 

We insisted that his care network and the insurance allow us to step outside the “network” to seek advice from specialists around the state or nation.

We even challenged hospital rules whenever the rules served only to keep us from caring for Gabriel the way we thought was best when he was in the hospital.

As I said, “when united we are a force of nature.”

Emily is the best wife I could ever hope for; and as Gabriel’s mother, she could not have been more nurturing and gentle.

I love you Emily!!  I pray we have many more years together.

Glen

To All the Dads (and the wives who love them)

Author's Note:  I'm not sure why.  This post was not easy to write.  It took a few days of prayerful consideration before taking shape.  May God bless the readers of it!!

Gabriel at only a few weeks after graduated from the NICU.

When Gabriel was two years old, I penned the preface for a book idea titled Gotta Get Gabriel:  A Father’s Journey with His Disabled Son.  The idea was to write a book for men facing difficult situations, maybe even situations through which they are not sure they can successfully navigate.  At the time my wife, Emily, and I were just beginning to understand just how uncertain the future was.

Gabriel with Daddy at the Luke 14 Banquet.

My original thought was to help men, especially fathers, tackle and dispel some of the myths which plague males.  The ultimate destination of this journey was, I prayed, that men would come to understand that God not only understands our hearts; but that He experienced the same hurts as His Son was beaten and nailed on the cross for crimes He did not commit and died.

So guys, what are some of the measures we grow up to believe.  Material gain is the judge of success?  Your credentials define your credibility?  Your children’s behavior mark you parental skills?  Your children’s athletic or academic abilities are a measure of future prosperity?  I’m sure this is nowhere near exhaustive.

So we grow up believing that if we don’t measure up in any one of these areas that constitutes failure on our part.  What happens if life gets rocky?  Maybe you lose a job?  (This actually happens more than once in the average man’s adult life.)  Maybe one or more of your children makes poor choices?  You never get that fancy car or big house?

And what if trials are of a more “permanent” nature:  serious illnesses, intellectual and/or developmental disability, or even the passing of a close loved one?  (I struggled with the word "permanent" because seriousness is relative.  Does the rubric by which we are judged or we judge ourselves change?  Should it change?

When we learned that Gabriel’s brain had been damaged, we came face to face with the reality that many of our hopes and dreams for him where not going to be fulfilled.  We had to grieve the loss of those dreams, and develop dreams which where obtainable.  We also had to come to terms with the reality that our family life was no longer going to fit the model which was instilled in each of us as we grew up.

Gabriel and Daddy horsing around.

When we were told that the chances of Gabriel ever speaking were slim and that he would need total care for his entire life, we had to ask God for the strength to care for a child who would never be able to tell us he loved us in return.  We had to redefine what it meant for Gabriel to communicate his feelings with us.

Why am I writing all this to dads especially?  Because we are taught by society that the test of our masculinity is success in all of the questions asked above and more.  Failure on just one is a failure as a man.  And because we are lead to believe that God uses the same rubric to measure us as does society.

Gabriel taking his first self directed steps.

Men, if you are facing difficult circumstances or if life has not turned out the way you dreamed it would; your specific situation does not catch God by surprise!  And better yet, He promises to be in the mix as you go through your situation.  “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4 ESV)

Even as He gave us the Great Commission, Jesus promises to be with us.  “And Jesus came and said to them, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.  And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18-20 ESV)

Easter Sunday 2011

So guys, you are not a failure.  And even assuming that you have made some poor choices, through His Son Jesus, God is quick to forgive us of our sins and restore us unto Himself.  That is not to say we are not going to deal with the consequences of those choices.  But first, consequences are not judgments.  And second, God promises to be right there with us every step of the way.  Even in the dark times when we think there is no hope.

A comforting thought to be sure!

Glen

Nature Abhors a Vacuum!

The New Oxford American Dictionary defines vacuum as “a space entirely devoid of matter.”  The phrase “in a vacuum” is further defined as “isolated from the context  normal to it and in which it can best be understood or assessed.

Nature abhors a vacuum.  Any sealed container from which all air has been evacuated is immediately filled with air, water, or anything else surrounding the opening as soon as the seal is broken.

Now granted I am simplifying the science involved quite a bit.  There are considerations such as pressure gradients, etc. which influence the velocity at which the vacuum is filled.  But my point is not to demonstrate my knowledge of science.  The science is here simply to illustrate a greater point.

Just has nature as a whole hates a vacuum, so does human nature.  And in today’s society, our “space” is rapidly becoming “devoid” of truth.  And in the absence of truth, it is our nature to fill the space left void with anything that surrounds us.

During the past few months I have become increasingly distressed by the lack of Biblical teaching concerning Heaven.  I know the truth exists.  The Bible does contain teachings on and even visions of Heaven and Heavenly beings.  But the truths of Heaven are not being taught.

I am currently reading Heaven by Randy Alcorn.  I have not finished as of this publishing, so I will refrain from an examination of the book itself.  But one thing strikes me as interesting and odd.  Alcorn states in the opening paragraphs of his Preface, “The truth is, in our seminaries, churches, and families; we have given amazingly little attention to the place where we will live forever with Christ and his people…”

Really?  As Christians, we tell the world (or we should be telling the world) that Jesus is the goal and Heaven is where we will spend eternity with Him.  But little attention is actually given to this place where we desire (or should desire) to spend the majority of our existence.

As I stated at the start, we hate a vacuum.  So if the institutions which one might assume are charged with teaching us eternal truths are not doing so in regard to Heaven; maybe that explains why so much “extra-Biblical” literature exists on the subject!

Now, I realize I am treading in dangerous territory; but as I said, I am concerned.  I am concerned that we are allowing misconceptions, half-truths, and some outright lies to permeate our understanding of Heaven.  And this is happening because we either can’t or won’t fill a need with Biblical truth.

And with all truth, the truth about Heaven needs to be taught early and often; so the Truth can be used to judge all of the misinformation with which we will be bombarded during times when we can least discern Truth from fiction.

No time is more filled with fictions than the passing of a loved one.  And this gets multiplied if the loved one is a child.  In the nearly fifteen months since our son Gabriel’s home-going how often have we heard:  “Gabriel is an angel in Heaven.” “Gabriel is smiling down on you know.” “I’m sure Gabriel is with you in spirit.”

And these are from individuals who are professing Christians.  Because of time and space, I won’t even go into all of the “spirituality” we have heard from individuals who don’t profess Christ.

In the months following Gabriel’s passing, I read quite a few books about “out of body” experiences with Heaven.  I found quite a bit of comfort from them.  But I am also concerned that most lack scriptural backing.  Paul says it best in Galations, “I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting him who called you in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel—not that there is another one, but there are some who trouble you and want to distort the gospel of Christ.  But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed.” (1:6-8 ESV)

But, as I said we hate a vacuum.  So if we are not getting taught the Biblical truths about Heaven in our seminaries, churches, and families; in our greatest time of need we are going to turn to anyone who is providing something to fill the void.

I challenge us all!  Heaven is a place of unparalleled beauty!  Our loved ones who have died as believers in Christ are there!  And most importantly, our Savior—Jesus is there!  How is it that we don’t speak more Truth about the real place we call home?

Glen