Moving On?

I'm having a bad day!

Oh, you would never guess it by watching me.  I awoke this morning with plenty of time to preheat the car for my wonderful wife and see her off to work.  I sat down to make a lengthy, detailed To Do List.  Shortly after, I went to the gym for the newest aspect of my routine - one hour of walking currently totaling 3 miles and 450 burned calories.  During this workout, I read three chapters in "Heaven is for Real."  I went to Office Depot to purchase the supplies I needed to then return home and print the inserts for the thirty application packets I will take with me tomorrow to an education job fair at University of North Carolina at Charlotte.  I kept an appointment which is as good for my psyche as it is for my physical health.  I went to Gabriel's grave site as I have done almost every day since he was laid to rest fifteen days ago.  I picked up my suit from the cleaners, and returned home to assemble twenty of the thirty application packets I will take with me Friday.

So, how do I know that I am having a bad day.  Well, first I never make To Do Lists.  I find the act of making a list of things I need to do to be tedious and needless.  I find the list itself to be a reminder of all that I should be doing but am not doing.

This brings me to my second bit of evidence that I am having a bad day.  Did you read all that I got done today?  And let us not forget that to the above list we can add writing this blog post.  I have not been able to be this "productive" from sunrise to sunset in the past six years.  I went to the gym to exercise.  Really!?  Oh, and I read part of a book while I was at it!

On any given day, the application packets would have to wait until after Gabriel and Emily had gone to bed.  Rarely am I motivated enough to get significant office work done during daylight hours.

And during all of this I had the presence of mind to give a friend professional advice concerning an educational matter.

As I wrote when we started, you would never guess I was having a bad day by watching me. So how do I know that I am having a bad day?  Well, I have this undeniable feeling that life is carrying me along as if I was on a raging river.  This day has been way too "normal"!  Am I really supposed to be getting ready for a job fair only 15 days after our son's funeral worship service?  He passed away less than three weeks ago!

I'm really conflicted!  This job fair is really important to our future financial success.  But do I really have to be worrying about all of that this week?  Can't the sun stand still in the sky?

Don't get me wrong!  I don't begrudge anyone else for moving on in their lives.  But, can't I just sit and allow the waves of grief to wash over me for a while longer?

As I said, I'm having a bad day.  And what is my favorite thing to do on a bad day?  I eat!  Yesterday, I took in less than 2,000 calories and burned 450 calories through exercise.  While I burned 450 calories today, I'm sure, as of the writing of this, I have taken in more than 2,000 calories.

And what is the final piece of evidence for my bad day?  I just don't care!  For a caregiver, this is the clearest piece of evidence of them all.

I'm having a bad day!

God's Lent Child

"I'll lend you for a little while

A child of mine" God said,
"For you to love the while he lives,

And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years,

Or forty-two or three;
But will you, till I call him back,

Take care of him for me? 

He'll bring his charms to gladden you,

And should his stay be brief
You'll have his lovely memories

As a solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,

Since all from Earth return;
But there are lessons taught below 

That I want my children to learn.

I've looked the whole world over,

In my search for teachers true;
And from the things that crowd life's lane,

I have chosen you.
Now will you give him all your love?

Nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to take 

This lent child back again? "

I fancied that I heard them say

"Dear Lord, Thy will be done,
For all the joys Thy child will bring 

The risk of grief we'll run.
We will shelter him with tenderness, 

We'll love him while we may
And for the happiness we've known 

Forever grateful stay.
But should Thy angels call for him

Much sooner than we'd planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes

And try to understand. 

My Tribute to Gabe

My Tribute to Gabe

by Clinton Echols

I have known Gabriel Stephens since he was a toddler through the Joni and Friends network.  Gabriel showed me his special room with all the balls and I have lunched with his mom and dad when the beautiful missionaries of JAF are busy with Gabriel.  

Gabriel never spoke a complete sentence, but he taught his parents and caregivers an entirely new language.  If it were not for Gabriel, Glen Stephens would never know the patience God gives to a parent.  If it were not for Gabriel, his mother and father would never have become the "team" that they are today.  If it were not for Gabriel, cool places like "Make a Wish" would not exist.  If it were not for Gabriel, 1000s would not have contemplated God's gifts to them.  If it were not for Gabriel, his family would never have enjoyed some great vacations or been on a first name basis with Mickey Mouse.  If it were not for Gabriel, many able bodied people would never have seen a picture of true, complete dependence nor would they have been able to relate that picture to what it means to trust in God.  If it were not for Gabriel, platforms for sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ would never have been built.  If it were not for Gabriel, opportunities for us to humble ourselves to rock a young boy or to wipe his spit would never have appeared.  Many people are closer to God, have gotten over that whole problem of evil thing, have made disability their ministry, have seen the world through different eyes, and have experienced the life, power, and peace of Jesus because we knew and continue to know Gabriel Stephens.

Gabriel is alive and well today.  It comforts us to think that Gabriel can run, jump, and sing in heaven with his Savior, Jesus.  I grin at the idea.  But, that is just gravy.  The inability of Gabriel on earth was a metaphor of our inability to live fully with God.  We all want full life.  That's not really measured by how fast you can run, but by how close you can get to and look like Jesus.  I pray that as the Gabriel Stephens of earth proclaims to us our spiritual disabilities, we will endeavor to reach heaven as he has: free to live the way God always intended- sinless.  

For we who have seen God's glorious plan to redeem the world, we can boldly say that it was God's will for Gabriel to spend a few years with us as a very broken vessel.  Praise God, because now we long for our redemption ever so much more.

Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, no one comes to God in any other way than through Him- John 14:6.  Abundant life- the life God always wanted for us- John 10:10, is offered through Jesus.  Somebody, maybe even now, is walking up to Gabriel in Heaven and saying: "You are Gabriel Stephens?  Wow!  I know Jesus better because of you."

Gratefully,

Pastor Clint Echols

First Baptist Church of Zeeland

Remembering Gabriel

Little did we know the blessings of 2011 would give way to the "ultimate miracle" of 2012.  We miss Gabriel more than words can express.  Below are the feelings Emily and I expressed at Gabriel's memorial worship service held on Wednesday, February 08, 2012.  We know without any doubt that Gabriel is in the lap of Jesus.  But this knowledge does not prevent us from profoundly missing our little boy.

Emily’s Comments

I thank each of you for coming and showing us how many lives Gabriel has touched and how much he was loved. It means a great deal to us. For us his life was too short, even for all the hardships there was so much joy. It is amazing to me that someone who couldn’t speak a word was so loved. Yet his sounds and laughs spoke volumes. His amazing blue eyes had so much depth. They were a gift in and of themselves. I remember looking at the ultra sounds during my pregnancy and praying he would have blue eyes. How wonderfully that prayer was answered!

 

I am so thankful for the wonderful things we were able to experience with him from the hard work we asked him to do in various forms of therapy and watching it pay off in the smallest victories, to the joy of twirling him in our arms just to get a smile or a laugh from him, which gave us so much joy knowing that here was this simple thing we could do; and it made him so happy. (How I wish I could do that one more time before saying good bye.) Life is precious and fleeting, please try to remember that in the hard times.

We have wonderful memories of going on Family Retreats with him and seeing him have fun doing things like: being on a short horseback ride with us, or going up in a tethered hot air balloon ride. We had the gift of having Make a Wish help us by creating the perfect blend of bedroom and therapy room in our home for him. We got the joy of going to Disney World with him and a special friend (Andrea Bishopp) through Ace & TJ's Grin Kids and seeing how much fun he was able to have there even with limitations. This last year there was another special answer to prayer, a true friend for Gabriel, AJ. Thank you for the gift of love you gave him and us. We will treasure these memories.  I’m so thankful we did not let his limitations hold us back, but we pushed forward to help him realize his potential as best we could and so many people were there with us on the journey, to them, of whom there are so many, we give you special thanks.

Now he has unending joy and we are held back from sharing that with him for a while. The day will come when we get to celebrate with him again, in the mean time we will need your continued love and support.  As we look into an unknown future, I say, as in the words of: Job 1:21

Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked will I depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.  He is worthy to be praised!

 More Life Than Most

Part One

By Glen Stephens

In the next few hours, we will commit Gabriel's body to the ground. In 42 years, I don't believe I have performed a more difficult act.

Thank you to all who have blessed us with your prayers, words of encouragement, warm thoughts, and tears.

Today, tomorrow, in the coming weeks, months, or even years when you see either Emily or myself crying; please do not mistake it for a loss of faith. Gabriel is in the lap of Jesus. He is smiling, laughing, running, skipping, hopping, playing, and regaling Jesus with stories of life here on Earth. The sweet sound of his voice is bellowing throughout Heaven as it never could here on Earth.

Rather when you see us crying, please understand those tears are because we miss the little boy who so completely blessed our lives. And at some point in the weeks, months, or even years to come; those tears will be tears of joy as we bring to mind one of the many fond memories we will treasure from his short years here on Earth.

We love you, “Little G.”

More Life Than Most

Part Two

By Glen Stephens

Isaiah 40:28-31

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He does not faint or grow weary;

His understanding is unsearchable.

He gives power to the faint,

And to him who has no might he increases strength.

Even youths shall faint and be weary,

And young men shall fall exhausted;

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles; They shall run and not be weary; They shall walk and not faint.

Why would a loving God bring a child into this world with a disability?  Look around.  Take one look at our FaceBook pages.  Read our emails.  Listen to our voice mails.  More individuals have been affected by Gabriel’s disability and sickness than would have ever been touched by his health.  Let’s take a brief journey.  Shall we?

The doctors, nurses, food service persons, housekeeping, security, child’s life persons, administrators, etc of five hospitals in three cities have experienced Gabriel’s unconditional love and seen his brilliant smile.

The directors, boards of directors, and personalities of multiple charities have witnessed the joy that can come from helping a child in need.

The pastors, teachers, deacons, elders, staff and congregations of two churches have personally felt the warmth that comes from caring for a child.

The teachers, principals, administrators, and therapists of one of the largest school systems in North Carolina have experienced the satisfaction of helping a child succeed.

The therapists, office staff, and administrators of one of this city’s best pediatric therapy organizations have witnessed the power advocacy that comes out of a disability.

The campers, families, organizers, short term missionaries, and even the founder of one of this nation’s largest Christian disability advocacy organizations have all watched what happens with families dare to dream.

And Emily and I have each stretched our abilities well beyond that which we thought was possible to love, teach, comfort, and even exhort others.

And these don’t take into account the individuals touched as Emily and I advocate and witness thorough all of our personal and professional activities.

It is hard to believe that one little boy could have affected some many people.  But I have been assured by so many that Gabriel has touched even more individuals than have made themselves known in the last few days.

Revelations 21:1-4

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away and the sea was no more.

And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man.  He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

So now we are left with the aftermath of Gabriel’s passing.  How do Emily and I get out of bed in the morning?  How do each of you go back to work?  The answer can be as simple as the scripture just read.  We hold on to the promise that Gabriel is made whole.  The wheelchair is empty.  The gait trainer is still.  The stander is rendered useless.  The AFO’s and SMO’s are now pointless.

Gabriel hurts no more.  He experiences no more sickness.  His back is straight.  His arms and legs are strong.  His laughter is clear!  And his laughter is heard throughout eternity as he runs through green pastures or listens to the stories of old from their Author.

As I have stated many times over the past few days, we don’t get the miracle for which we thought we prayed.  However, Gabriel gets the miracle he deserves.  I can’t speak for any of you.  But as for Emily and I, we will learn to live with a temporary separation from our son if that is the cost for him to be free from frailty and illness.

We pray that in the next few hours, days, weeks, or even months each of you will find peace in the knowledge that Gabriel is playing in heaven with the Author of Laughter.  God bless you all!